I think it's fair to be honest.... there are some days when I wonder if it's too early to have a drink. And to be even more honest, sometimes a drink really does help. It gives me a moment to stop, to literally and figuratively let go of what is happening around me. I get to regroup and then turn around to face the rest of the day.
I'm sure I'm saving my kids many hours in therapy but just having a sip of something strong... maybe I'm just saving myself.
It's amazing how many highs and lows I can have each day. The joy from the highs seems to hold more strength than the stress from the lows... for that I am so thankful.
I forget how difficult it can be to have a toddler. And I'm not sure how that is since I'm literally in the midst of raising a toddler... but I am frequently stopped in my tracks by the thought "wow, I forgot how difficult this stage could be". Which means I will again forget, which is the gift God gives us to get through these hours/days/years. We get to let go of the tough stuff since it's temporary and hold onto the wonderful stuff since that is really what matters.
Yesterday was very difficult, this morning wasn't all roses. Andrew really wore me out during Natalie's dance class (it didn't help that I had just finished being physically worn out during a spinning class). On the way home I felt exhausted. I thought about sending a text to Trever... "exhausted" was the only word that came to mind when I thought about what I would write.
And then I walked into my house. And there was my dad standing at the stove making grilled cheese sandwiches. If I hadn't been so shocked I think I might have cried. He was an hour early (thank goodness for whatever caused that miss communication), and he was making lunch for my kids (and me since I stole Natalie's sandwich). I felt my body completely relax, I was filled with peace.
We ate, I showered (yes, showered, it felt great). By the time I was out of the shower Andrew was in bed, Natalie was getting ready for a rest and my dad was doing the dishes. Seriously?
You know how they say that God knows what we need even when we don't know how to ask? Today I saw that in full color.
There is no one (other than Trever) who can walk into my house and take over in a way that makes me more comfortable than my dad. Everyone has their own strengths, I'm grateful for each relationship we have with each of our parents, they are all so special. But today, no one could have taken better care of me. He just stepped in and brought a calm to my heart to my body that was so healing.
And I got to run some errands and then volunteer in Nathan's class. He didn't expect to see me walk in. I didn't expect to see his face light up that much. It was priceless. I love being a part of his day. I just want to be around my kids all the time, soaking up the joy of watching them walk through their worlds.
I am so thankful that we are able to raise these amazing kids with a village. We are blessed, the kids are blessed and I believe the grandparents are blessed too.